As the year comes to a close, I’ve been feeling a little bit sentimental. A lil bit in my feelings, if you will. 2022 was probably one of the longest years of my life. It was the strangest of years that was a whirlwind of emotions; with days where I truly wondered what I was living for and days with so much joy I was giddy. A year with anxiety and a year with love. I thought I’d pay tribute to a year of my life I’ll never forget.

2022 was a year where I allowed myself to be disrespected. It started as a nightmare with never-ending anxiety. The first part of this year included some of the most difficult days in my life, days where I cried myself to sleep for weeks. My cortisol levels were so high that I constantly felt distressed. It was a time when I discovered that I had to help myself because no one else either can or will. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.

Then 2022 brought in winds of change. As we progressed to the middle of the year, I took plunges and left some parts of my old life behind. It was scary. It was exciting. It was so, so difficult. If the anxiety was bad before, it was terrible at this point. I was struggling to rediscover my self worth. At many points I admittedly sought it wrongly in other people. But I also found the ability to pick myself up. Even if it took time and a little bit of faking it ’til I made it, I still looked up and forward. And for that I’m very proud of myself.

2022 then became a year of joy and tenderness. The warmth that I couldn’t feel from people that had, in fact, never left my side gradually returned. Places of misery were transformed and awful memories were erased. Confusion turned to clarity. The simplest of days felt comforting. The hardest of days felt manageable. A calm presence left a shroud of safety. A firm grip that was never too tight brought a sense of solace. Something wonderful is just beginning to unfold.

I’m not saying that all the anxiety is over and everything is perfect now. I will continue to deal with the repercussions of 2022 as we go into the new year. But I enter it with confidence and hope. I’m still on my journey, and that’s okay. And so I celebrate the end of 2022 as a year where I learned so much about myself. A year where I learned that I deserve love and happiness.

I will now look forward to 2023 with the goal of finding these within myself and no one else. I hope that you find peace in 2023 too.